I had a migraine yesterday. And I can still feel its effects today. Suffice it to say that I am not entirely pleased with my current state.

Aside from that, I have plenty of things that I need to do. There’s studying to do for exams (including one final for a half-semester course I’m taking), plus some other miscellaneous tasks to complete.

I haven’t been to kendo (my one and only club) for the last three practices. One of those can be blamed on that mischievous migraine (uguu~), and the others can be blamed on things that came unexpected-like. My dad was in town last week, so that’s that. The other one I missed was because of an assignment being tacked onto the to-do list by my professor at the proverbial last minute. In other words, I’ve got real excuses to bring with me when I do go to kendo.

However, I can’t help but feel my experience at last practice also played a role in why I’ve been apt to use excuses (not that they’re invalid). You see, I tried bogu for the first time. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t put it on properly by myself. I lack the social ability to ask for help in earnest, so I just struggled like a floundering fish on land until someone came and helped. Really, I do have a problem with asking for help when I feel like I should somehow know how to do something. Of course, I have been busy and haven’t really had the time to look it up independently, so I can’t really blame myself. Yet, it bothers me still.

Well, I may or may not bring bogu with me to practice tomorrow (presuming my migraine’s effects have finally passed). Indeed, my basics have been lacking anyways, so perhaps I should just focus on that instead of stressing over something that’s been bothering me to no end. Of course, I’m still trying to escape it; I think that’s a part of who I am – a coward who is afraid to commit to a path of uncertainty.


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